Thursday, 11 May 2017

...

got annoyed at my mum who simply just want to celebrate my lunar bday (vesak day) with me... i've told her many times i hate bday celebrations and i don't wish to celebrate my bday but year after year she forgets and wants to make arrangements for dinner.

i think as a mum it hurts a lot when their child is such a negative and angry person and there's nothing she could do to change that. i could have just treated it as a normal dinner instead but nooooo my mood just snap at an instant when she asked me out.

she's not a nobody but my mum, so why am i doing this?

i have no idea...

i just simply hate gatherings, meet ups and having to get my ass away from home... its a hassle to travel out, hassle to hold conversations, hassle to listen to other people and staying sane from the noises outside...

i get very irritated outside and i just want to avoid that...

knowing the person i am, i swore i would never have children because I know I wouldn't be able to handle a kid who is like me.  then again, given my ability to cut relations even to my closest relatives i don't see how difficult it is to cut my child away from me if i ever had one whose like me... but no, i'm sparing myself of such troubles and chose to remain single...

i doubt there's another who would be able to tolerate my negativeness and anger and still 'love' me that way anyway... he must be nuts in the head to...

can't wait for sunday when i'm off to batam alone and just shut myself away in the resort doing nthing but spa, cartoon network, ordering room service and stitching in the room...

random rant over.

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